When You Want to Belong but Feel Like Leaving

My chest tightened as I stepped into the grand ballroom at the Peabody Hotel. Dinner was underway by the time I arrived, and registration had closed, so I didn’t have the armor of a name tag to prove that I belonged.

After a full day of driving, I’d arrived in a T-shirt and comfy pants. Then I stepped into an elevator with people wearing name tags and business suits.

Suits. I hadn’t even brought a jacket. It was 100 degrees outside!

Suddenly, comfortable felt sloppy.

Upstairs, I texted my friend Becky for moral support. I wanted to wear my flowery jeans to dinner instead of something dressy.

“Yes!!! Our people will love it.”

Our people. Not all people necessarily, but the ones who get my heart. Becky’s words reminded me I could and should just be myself. So I changed and headed downstairs.

Inside the ballroom, people wore everything from denim to slacks and dresses to suits. My clothes were fine. Finding a seat was another matter.

Finding Your Place

Every table seemed either full or completely empty. I walked through the space, collected hugs from familiar faces, and kept walking. Finally, I spotted Joy Massenburge just sitting down at an empty table. I made a beeline to wish her a happy birthday—and sit beside someone I knew.

Then I noticed the sign on the table: Staff.

My chest tightened again.

Joy must have seen the disappointment on my face. “Sit down. I don’t want to eat by myself.”

Thank goodness for friends who can read your mind.

I consider myself confident, but feeling alone in a crowd makes me want to run from the very place I want to be.

That’s true just about anywhere I go. Church, networking meetings, writers’ events. (I started Wednesday night Bible study for women at our church several years ago for that exact reason. I didn’t like walking into the building and not feeling like I belonged.)

I’ve lived long enough to know that I’m never the only one. If I’m feeling lost or alone or out of place, others are too. The trick is to 1) go anyway and stay even when my introvert self is telling me to hide out alone or to run. And 2) to find your people. They are out there. And they need you as much as you need them.

Finding Your People

Last week, an artist friend told me he was missing that kind of connection: other artists to meet with, exchange ideas with, and learn from.

We all need connection with people who get us and understand what’s important to us.

• Writers and artists need to be around people who understand why we do this work. Hearing what others are learning and creating can reignite something in us that deadlines, distractions, and everyday life have worn down.

• Jesus followers need to be around other Jesus followers to be encouraged to stay focused on Him and the life He calls us to live.

• Business leaders, entrepreneurs, coaches, speakers, and salespeople all need to be able to bounce ideas off like-minded people. The business doesn’t have to be the same. The challenges are often similar, as is the need for inspiration and renewed motivation.

Make Room

Sometimes we need the encouragement. Sometimes someone needs ours. Often, it’s both.

Yet we can talk ourselves out of showing up because we’re busy, not as far along as the next person, still figuring things out, or just feeling especially introvertish.

Practicing, trying, learning, and growing are all good things. And they’re all good things to do in community—at least on occasion—because being around others expands our thinking and stretches our capacity for creativity.

If you want to grow, seek out your people. Meet up in real life. Talk and listen and stay, even if you feel like running.

And when you see someone searching for a place to sit, make room.

Your invitation may be exactly what they need to stay.